Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Wheel

    "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible." ~ Richard M. DeVos

    Making a conscious change or life decision is accessible to you at any given minute.  As you read this article, take relax, reflect, and choose to let go of the wheel that is controlling your life.  Release your tight grip and focus your energy towards your breathing and the rise and fall of your chest.  Use this time to resonate with your life dreams, hopes, and beliefs; remember you are here for a divine purpose. Whatever your purpose may be... there is reason.  Your life is a gift, believe and trust in that purpose, not only for yourself, but for all others around you. There are many people lost in faith and searching for that same goal... peace of mind. What do you believe in? What is your purpose in this life? Do you still have faith or have you lost it? Are you living your life by grazing the surface or are you digging deeper?

    Trusting faith and letting go of the wheel is a title filled with inspiration, motivation, and spirit.  By implementing trust and belief, you can learn what true faith is in your life. But first, you have to accept and commit to a higher calling.  For many people, committing to a higher power is a difficult concept, because where there should be faith, there is doubt and desolate confusion.    Within the chaos, they often tend to follow a misleading path... a path of doubt that leads to dead-end journeys.  Some people are living a life of negative based words, i.g. “despair, anger, fear, sloth, anxiety, selfishness, manipulation, domination, obsessive behavior” that leads to nowhere.  Control in a negative environment is codependency at its worst.  Controlling people fear abandonment and therefore, they try to control the people they are dependent on.  They want to have power and are often referred by others as, "Being on a power trip."  Faith is a positive word... an assumption; it is a confidence or belief with a strong conviction for which there may be no concrete proof. Faith is simply the opposite of fear and doubt. Faith is often used as a substitute for hope, trust, or belief, but in all essence those three words are intricate ingredients in the recipe for faith.  Prayer is another crucial ingredient in living your life in faith.  You can choose to live a misleading path or you can choose to change your life for the betterment of yourself and those around you.   

    Your mind, heart, hands, and body wants to be dictating how everything should be done.  Are you a perfectionist and like to have everything a certain way?  Perfection can be misleading, as well.  Do you ever tell people, "I just like to have things a certain way," "I'm a control freak," or "It's my way or the highway"?  Are there people in your life you are trying to control?  Do you waste valuable energy on business that doesn’t concern you?  Let it go!  You are deflating your own spirit by controlling everything around you.  Are you mentally and physically exhausted?  Are you overwhelmed?  We tend to want control every aspect of our lives, including the steering wheel of our car.  Belted in the driver’s seat, we taxi ourselves or our children through one busy day after another. We have responsibilities with work, family, kids, finance, health, relationships; and it's habit to want control of every aspect of those responsibilities (because we're always in the driver's seat), right? But, if you look up the word responsibility, you'll find the word "control" somewhere close by, and this is where all the confusion begins. The more we demand to have the control over our responsibilities and want the power over every situation, the more out of control our lives become. One of the reasons people tend to lose faith (hope, trust, belief) is because they don't get their desired result in a situation.   Then, a year later, they learn that what they were trying to control was never meant to be after all!  If only they would have had faith in that situation and time to let go of the wheel!  Do not lose faith when things get chaotic, that's when you should have more faith, because you are supposed to learn something from that experience.  And, it is your choice as to how you will handle it.  Will you let it go or will you try to get your way instead of His way? 

    How many times have you tried to control the outcome of a situation in your life? Do you panic and forget to think straight?  Do you act and make impulsive decisions based on fear, anger, or depression?  If so, then there's a place where you can rest- a place where there is peace, a place where you are no longer the driver... but the passenger. The wheel is still there, but this time you can say, "I'd like to go left" or "I'd like to go right." It is trusting that no matter which way your car turns, it will be for an outcome of greater service in your life and trusting that you don't have to have the hassle and worry of being in control.

    In reality, I like to drive my own vehicle... rarely will you find me in the passenger seat.  To this day, the reason is fear based experiences.  I grew up with an abusive, alcoholic step-father and alcoholic mother.  Much of their time was spent down at different local bars for hours and many times, I as a child, would have to go with them.  Very rarely, did the evening ever end without an argument between them.  Intoxicated and fighting they would exit the bar and I knew it would be a terrifying ride home.  I knew what was going to happen.  The beatings happened almost every night.  I always believed that one day my mother would be beaten to death and I always feared, "Would this be the night?".  My gargantuan, red-faced step-father, would get behind the wheel of our family van and before he even put the keys in the ignition, I knew (as I sat in the back seat), I had absolutely no control over my destiny. The only thing I did have was prayer. Within seconds, as the tire wheels began to turn, so did my fearful mind. How can I control this situation? How can I get out? So many factors were against me (let alone my mean, annihilated, and controlling step-father and drunk mother).  I believed wouldn't see the light of another day. The first factor against me was in the 1970's, we weren't required to wear seatbelts. Second, we were miles from home and I couldn't bail out of a moving van. Thirdly, if I said one word, the beatings would also be directed by him upon me.  I was an only child who always fended for myself and spent the majority of my time in my room alone.  I lost faith in praying and I lost faith in my higher power.  I felt alone without guidance and lost in a violent world. 

    But, back to the speeding van... I don't have enough fingers or toes to count the many times I feared for my life on the rides home.  My step-dad would swerve back and forth, cross into the opposite lane, slam on the brakes, intentionally drive erratically,  and even drive off the road down into the ditch.  My step-father would yell at the top of his lungs, bully, grab, and threaten my mother taking his eyes off the road to focus on her.  I witnessed this craziness, selfishness, insanity, and senseless behavior time and time again.  I was deathly afraid and hung on for dear life. I prayed, "God, please just get us home safe. God, please just make him stop swerving. God... oh God, please help me." But on and on the fighting went and so did the out-of-control van. My step-abuser would threaten to beat the daylights out of my mom if she didn't shut the "blank" up!  I'd pray again for her not to say another word... but she always did. Check! Another prayer not answered (I'd think in my mind). Fragmented flashes of highway signs, ditches, yellow stripes, trees, gravel going everywhere, and prayers not answered are cemented in my mind. I can still see my step-abuser's one hand on the steering wheel, while the other arm reached out to pummel my mother with punches. He'd let go of the wheel and I would grab it and steer just to keep us from going into the ditch. Many times, he'd slam his foot on the brake pedal as a warning, but then in a flash, the van would stop, and he was yanking her out of the van to hit her.  The beatings finally stopped some years ago when he met his own demise in a local hospital due to natural causes.  My mother continues to drink and is in another abusive relationship.  Like I said earlier, people have choices as to how they will live their lives.  It's not about control, it's about making the right choices and letting go of past pains, regrets, mistakes, and learning to forgive.  You can choose to live a miserable life or you can choose to let it go.  No one can do it for you. 

    Through the years I thought, "If I don't have control over my own life... who will?  If I want to be something, have things, or be safe, I have to control every aspect of my life."  I used to believe in my 20's, that faith and prayer didn't help me much when I was a child and teenager, so why should I start believing or having hope now?  Well, needless to say, things didn't go well in my 20's under my control either... in fact, they got worse. So again, I asked myself, "Why start having faith now?"  Well, actually the answer was simple... I discovered over much soul-searching, that the one thing I could control was my desire to have a good life.  I didn't want to live my life unhappy and in dysfunction like I did in my past.  I decided to have faith in a better existence.  I knew that I wanted to make a positive difference in my lifetime, so  I chose to believe that something greater than myself could help me do that. And, that I wouldn't let Him down.  You have a CHOICE.  Our higher power is always presenting us with choices and options, but it is ultimately your control as to which choice you will make in this life.  I chose to have faith.  I chose to be a positive difference in someone else's life.  I've seen the alternative of not having faith flash before my eyes many times.  How I'm even alive today... I can't even tell you.  All I know is that faith is for a greater purpose and that's why I choose to let go of the wheel in my own life.  It's a humongous weight off your shoulders when you can turn all of your worrying energy over to something greater than yourself and say, "I give You the wheel to my life. I give it all to you. I trust you and know that my life is in your hands now.  Take it all!  All my worries, all my fears, all my hopes and all my dreams.  I have faith that You will guide me in the right direction."  That's when it actually feels amazing to sit in the passenger seat!!  And honestly, it's the only time I feel totally at ease to sit in the passenger seat.  Sure, I'm only human and sometimes I have to give myself a pinch to remind myself to snap and think, "Wait a minute, I'm trying to control this situation." I trust my Higher Power to look out for my best interests and safety.  It's comforting to know that there is someone I trust who has my back and my well-being at heart.  To this day, I have issues with my mother not making the right choices in her life.  But, I cannot control her life.  As painful as it is, I have to let it go.  I choose to live my life on a different path and dysfunction is not a part of my hopes and beliefs.  Dysfunction only brings misery and a dismal shortened existence.  Faith brings hope and joy for eternity.

    Can you recall as a kid how good it felt when you rode your bike and you let go of the handle bars?  Back in the 70's, we used to call it riding "free-hand."  Sure, it was scary at first, but eventually you did it because you wanted to know what it felt like to not use your hands.  Remember how freeing it felt to extend your arms out to your sides while the bike steered itself (with of course, a little balance on your part).  So, as you extend your arms out in faith, feel that same freedom~ let go of your worries, anxiety, fear, and cares~ turn them over to a Higher Power.  Have you ever seen people in church reach out and extend their arms?  They are turning over control to a power greater than themselves.  They are honoring their Higher Power and what they can no longer do for themselves.  When you release your power, mean it.  Let go of the wheel that is steering your life.  Remember those dark times in your life when you may have crumbled to the ground and said, "I can't do this no more... I surrender."  That is true freedom.  “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall” (Psalm 55:22).  “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).  Remember, life is not about control, it's about trusting and believing to let go of the wheel.  LET IT GO!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

A Woman's Face in the Mirror

"For beauty, there's nothing quite like a woman who's beautiful and doesn't 'know it.'"
~Anonymous

    For years, low self-esteem, meager self-worth, and poor body image have long been key factors that have kept women walking on their knees. For years, we as women have been our own worst enemy. We criticize, chastise, and demean ourselves to the very core of our being while we stare at ourselves in the mirror. We allow not only others, but ourselves to lower our standards of self-value. Regardless of what society, television, or magazines are doing, we have the ultimate opinion of how we will live. The challenge is to convince ourselves that we are enough every time we look at our face in the mirror.

    Each and every one of us possesses an inner presence of unique qualities that not one single person can duplicate. We each have a soul print like no other being—a distinctive spirit that emanates within each of us. There is no single fingerprint alike in any individual and that signifies our individuality to ourselves. We do not owe an explanation to anyone else as to why our life print is different from their footprint. We torment ourselves with image either because we want to look like someone else or we feel that society expects a certain image. Carbon copies get boring. Imagine if everyone had the same hair color, clothes, body shape, and face! Then we would all be wishing we were different! We owe it to ourselves to honor our image as having distinction.

   
    Many of us spend the majority of our time observing other women; envious and wondering why certain women seem to be gliding on their feet, while we feel like we're walking on our knees. The challenge is to focus on ourselves, not on other women. It's okay to admire and compliment, but we must not envy. Some women may appear to be confident, but may have insecurity issues, as well. The same women we look at are also looking at us, and it is important that we keep clear perception on ourselves. Women who are gliding, are gliding because they focus on themselves. They don't worry about convincing someone else that they are good enough. They know they are enough and don't need another's opinion. Is it that important to have someone else tell us the line on the palm of our hand should have been longer or shorter? It doesn't matter, everyone's palm print is supposed to be different! Someone else is always going to have an opinion, but we must understand, that it is their opinion.         

    The challenge is to convince ourselves that we're good enough and that we're not inadequate. Challenges are always difficult, they involve risks and courage. It's important to prove our identity to ourselves, our fingerprints or the lines on our hands are the way they are for a reason... identity. If the way you are handling your self-worth is not working, than you must use a new way and do the opposite. It will be hard at first to conform your mind to a new way of thinking, but it can be done with commitment and consistent affirmations. Just like an alcoholic or drug addict learns post recovery, they will always be a recovering addict and will have to work hard at sobriety the rest of their life.  A successful recovery is adapting and applying newly learned life skills to lead a healthy lifestyle. For women who are challenged with low self-esteem issues, it is a daily process of hard work to be self-confident. The most important step is to stop the negative self-talk and to quit worrying about what other people think of us.

Stop Negative Self-Talk

    As women, we unfortunately face criticism from other women. For many women, it is difficult to feel "less than" another woman. There are women who will criticize, judge, bully, and make fun of us, but we must know that we have value. We must remember, that these women who bully, do it because they feel inadequate about themselves. It is critical to realize that they are not a part of our lives. They are not a part of our core. They do not live in our soul. For example, would you allow a bully into your house if they rang the doorbell? Then why would you allow them to enter your spiritual being or affect your mind? We do have control. We do have command over our self-esteem, self-worth, and value. There are people who we simply need to ignore... the "haters." There are haters because they themselves are miserable and take their misery out on others. They want other people to feel just as miserable as they do and it makes them feel better about themselves when they put others down. Under non-admittance, haters really feel very inadequate. So, don't open the door when the haters ring the doorbell. Just like a solicitor, they will be persistent. They will keep ringing the bell wanting you to answer. But you do have control and when you don't answer, they will go away.         

    Believing in ourselves that we are worthy (to the very core of our being), that's the challenge. Any person or animal in this world just wants to be validated, accepted, and loved. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be kind to an animal or human being. We must find positive direction and surround ourselves with the people who are kind and positive. We all deserve to be loved. Challenges and setbacks happen to every single one of us- every day. We all have sordid tales to tell about our different, difficult or dysfunctional pasts, and we may still have issues, but we must remember that we cannot get to the top of any mountain without blood, sweat, and tears.

   
    We all have the potential to be confident and educated women. What are we going to do with the knowledge that lies within us that is desperately waiting to break free ... our purpose? No one wants to be weighed down with self-esteem issues. And, no one wants to be around someone who enjoys having daily pity parties. When will we as women finally stop struggling with our heads barely above water? When will we say enough is enough? There is a famous quote that says, "Either ____ or get off the pot." If we don't like the way our life is going, then we must do something about it. We must change it and define it because it's time to live.

    None of us have the same mind, none of us have the same body, none of us have the same fingerprints, and none of us have the same spirit. We're unique and different from one another. I will never be you and you will never be me. That difference is our worth. If there is something we cannot do, there is always something else we can do better. If there is something we want to do than we must educate ourselves, work hard, and then do it! Stop crying over spilled milk—get a towel and clean it up!

    Internal battles with low self-esteem can be devastating, but as long as we keep feeding ourselves with negative affirmations—it's the adverse that will survive. How can anything positive have a chance to squeeze into our minds! Why would we want to feed and water low self-worth and pessimism? Negative affirmations are like weeds, they grow out of control and take over valuable space in our minds and soul.

    Weeds are a nuisance to get rid of, but it is our job to take control and eliminate the negativity. Optimistic affirmations in our minds is like weed control fertilizer is for lawn care. As the positivity is released into our brains, the root core of our thinking is filled with favorable thoughts and depletes the pessimism. Positive affirmations promotes optimistic thinking and deprives a place for negative thoughts to grow. The stronger the positivity grows and takes up space, the less chance negativity will have to thrive. Positive affirmations should go hand-in-hand with our daily thoughts to avoid negativity to creep into our minds and spread like out-of-control, overgrown weeds. We must perform daily mind maintenance.It is our responsibility for what we feed ourselves. The great thing is that we don't have to spend a dime for positive affirmations like you would on lawn fertilizer!

    Only we have the power to change the course of our thoughts and our life. We owe it to ourselves. It's time to realize the qualities and potential that exist inside of us every time we look in the mirror. We must truly make an effort to gradually improve our worth and self-esteem. We must start by giving ourselves positive reinforcements. Like any other passion or challenge, positivity takes practice, hard work, determination, and commitment to achieve accomplishments. If we're not used to positivity, it can be uncomfortable while we begin our transformation. As time goes on though, we will begin to feel better and better about ourselves every day. We will come to an understanding that we don't have to fight ourselves any longer. We all need support and we know ourselves better than anyone else! We must look at our face in the mirror and look straight into our eyes and tell ourselves that we are going to start living!

    When we have a low day and feel our self-esteem is spinning downward, we must think of those who have it a lot worse than we do. We must think of people who have had the courage to overcome their own obstacles, such as: Helen Keller, Rosa Parks, Christopher Reeve, and the list goes on. Those people fought against their limitations of low self-esteem, disability, poverty, and poor body image issues. They didn't allow their restrictions to hold them back from doing greater things. Christopher Reeve often spoke of "Paralysis of the Soul" where their body works, but their soul is paralyzed.

    He never allowed his soul to be paralyzed, even though his body no longer worked. There was also the inspirational Helen Keller, who was blind and deaf since 19 months old. Helen Keller was a fighter," said Keller's grandniece, Keller Thompson-Johnson. "She didn't hide from her problems. She knew that to become a better person and to show other people that they too could overcome their disabilities, she had to be a fighter herself." Helen Keller once said, "Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world."

    Through this article, it is important for any woman (who might be struggling with some of the above issues), to know that it's going to be alright. We all have challenges, but it is critical to work through them if we want to be at peace with ourselves. When we meet our maker at the end of this life, we can say we did everything in our power to live our life to the fullest and be there for other people who struggle. When we look at our face in the mirror, smile at her—she needs it. We are all strong women and our strength will bring us to our feet~ we all deserve to glide! We are all deserving women and we must stand tall with our heads held high. We are here on this earth for a reason. We must have faith in our strength and believe in the face in the mirror.

"Change your perception of yourself... and you'll change your life."

~Dr. Phil McGraw         

A True Purpose in Life

"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes real happiness.  It is not obtained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."  ~  Helen Keller

    Back to square one... your purpose in life.  What is your purpose in this lifetime?  What have you done with your life?  What really matters to you?  What have you given back?  Is your life about making money?  Is it about the prestige, the kind of car you drive, the career you have, the house you live in?  So many life props... so many externals... so many material things that wedge themselves between what is most important... your true purpose in life.

    The distractions we face are limitless.  Many of us would love to go back to a time when life was much simpler.  A time when material things, commercialism, and technology wasn't the driving focus of our lives.  Today, technology and commercialism have consumed the focus and lead us off the path of what really matters... time spent wisely.

    Are you consumed with the pressures to make more money and live just to make money.  "If I can just make more money, then everything will be all right."  "If I can just have all the material things I want, life will be amazing."  "If I can just pay all the bills and get myself out of debt, I will be happy."  But all too often, you spend more than you bring in (shopping to relieve stress), and in the process you become your own worst enemy.  You could be out of debt or happy if you "choose" to be-  it is your choice.  And, the reason for your confusion or dysfunction is NOT because of the externals and what you do not have_ it is the internals and the choices YOU are making in life.  You do not have to be the "enemy" and defeat the true purpose of your life.  Stop asking, "What am I going to GET out of life" and start learning to GIVE back.  The purpose of life is NOT about, "What's in it for me."

    So many of us would like to have a less complicated life... a life of time... and getting back to what really matters and what is real.  What do material possessions really mean-  when one can lose it all in the blink of an eye?  what then are you left with?  Do the material things in your life really mean that much to you?  Ask yourself this question, "While I'm spending my life digging for my gold (selfishness), how many precious moments in life have I missed by not sharing myself?"

    Another factor that attributes to useless days gone by is all the "pity parties" you throw for yourself... day after day, after day.  Consumed by self-loathing, you bathe in your tears- not even seeing the world that's around you and those who are less fortunate (by giving a little of your time).  Perhaps, you feel the world owes you something, but yet you give nothing in return.  By choice, you've refused to remove the pathetic blinders you've place upon yourself.  Instead, you smother your valuable time by focusing on youself... wallowing in your own demise, planting nothing but shame, guilt, anger, and resentment.  There is more to life than playing hostess at your pity party.  Is this what you want to be remembered for?  Think about this... YOU shut yourself off from finding a greater purpose in life.  And, if you have found the purpose in life... awesome-  continue giving back and helping others and "pay it forward" because the rewards come back tenfold! 

   

    A purpose in life doesn't cost you a penny.  True giving, whether it's money or your time comes from the heart-  you don't think twice about it.  And, for those who are familiar with the "truth" know that a purpose doesn't cost them a dime-  because it comes back.  You spend nothing to obtain true happiness.  Giving of yourself costs nothing in comparison to spending your energy on selfishness.  What are you doing to make a difference?  What have you planted?

"Judge each day not by the harvest, but by the seeds that you plant."

~  Anonymous